The 'Anti-Shower' Shower

This might sound weird, because obviously I really enjoy planning and throwing parties, but I tend to really dislike baby showers. It might be the games (can we all agree that baby showers have the worst games? Grown women having to sniff melted chocolate in a diaper to figure out what kind of candy bar it is?! Please...), it might be all the talk about the horrible things that happen to your body when pregnant and giving birth... I don't know; but I'm not a fan. So I have already decided that if I ever have kids, the only kind of shower I want is the what I call the anti-baby-shower baby shower.

Basically it is an open house rather than your traditional sit down shower. This can be used for bridal showers, as well, if you have a less traditional bride or one who doesn't like to be so much the center of attention in large groups, but prefers one on one contact.

The premise is this: rather than sitting people down and forcing them to play games and watch the mom-to-be (or bride-to-be) open every gift, you could instead set aside a time (a little longer than a normal shower) and allow guests to arrive and leave as they like. When a guest arrives, the mom/bride can open their gift then, in a more personal setting.

Print up cards with each guest's name on it before the shower, and once a gift is opened, set it out on a display table with that guest's name card next to it. This way guests who come later can see what other people have given.



This kind of format allows the mom/bride to mingle more with each guest as they come and go and give a more genuine 'thank you' as she opens each gift (I know at my own shower there were a few people who arrived a little late and left a little early that I never got to say hi to at all). It also spreads out the gift opening more, which makes it a little less overwhelming (and therefore the mom/bride can savor the process more). Anyone who has had a shower may know that it's almost too much to take in when you open 30 gifts in a row in a matter of 30-40 minutes.

You can still serve food at this event, but make sure it is something that will be good over the course of say... 4 hours. You can either have a variety of finger foods that can withstand this, or you could keep things refrigerated between guests. Be prepared that some guests may stay the entire time, so have something to nibble and sip on out at all times.

Don't forget to keep a log of what guests bring what gifts, like a normal shower, so the bride will have a list to go off of for thank you notes. The name cards are mainly for other people to see, but won't make the mom/bride remember what every single person got her, so make a list, as well.

I also have to mention that if you are planning a co-ed shower, I think this format is a particularly good way to go. If there are women who dislike baby shower games, imagine how the guys feel!

As always, refer to "General Party Planning Tips" also, and happy planning!

(Credit for first picture: Blue Shutter Studios, dress by Mercedes Hill)

General Party Planning Tips

• Make two budgets, one you can afford, and one slightly less than that. Aim for the lower one, because you will almost always go over.

• Follow through. Do not say you will throw a party for someone (to that person, at least) if you do not fully intend to follow through with it. It could be a recipe for hard feelings if it does not come to fruition.
  

• Visualize the feel you want the party to have (classy, casual, theme, etc.). Picture the atmosphere as vivid as you can that you want to create. Also take into consideration the guest's personalities and/or the person you are throwing the party for.

• Match the invitations and the party in terms of formality. Don’t send super formal invitations for a casual party and vice versa.

• Don’t send out the invitations too late. Even for something like a casual birthday party, sometimes sending an invitation a month early is a good idea, particularly during busy seasons like summer vacations and around the holidays. People’s schedule’s can fill up quickly. Giving guests at least two weeks notice (and we mean AT LEAST) is courteous.

• Serve a meal if you pick a time for the party to happen over a normal meal-time, and not just a tiny bit of appetizers. If a shower is a noon, people will come expecting lunch. It can be done inexpensively, and does not have to be formal (even just a tray of sandwiches and some fruit will work sometimes), but do not leave guests hungry.
  

• Pick a style and stick with it. Some people do not like themes for parties, which is fine. If possible; however, at least try to pick a color or colors and be consistent with it. It gives a party a look of completeness and being polished.

• Throw a party for the right reasons. I mention this with wedding events like showers and engagement parties particularly in mind. Something weird happens to people around weddings (if you've been through one, or involved with one, you know what I'm talking about).
  

These are emotional events that involve the whole "leave and cleave" issue, not just with parents, but with friendships also. It may sound strange, but sometimes people offer to throw a party but purposely make it not-so-great, or go to the other extreme and try to show someone else up.

Likewise, if you are a bride, resist guilting someone into throwing you an engagement party/shower/bachelorette party because you think they owe you somehow, and try not to demand too much of people. Keep in mind that throwing a party can be very expensive, and know that just the event in and of itself is a gift.

Too often it seems subliminal issues play too big of a part in things like this. Some events are no-brainers and you just want to throw them because they seem well-deserved or just appropriate. Others may give you an odd feeling. If that's the case, sit down and give it some thought before you proceed.

• Get creative! Don’t use cookie-cutter formats for celebrations like showers and weddings just because you think you have to. Sometimes guests actually dislike traditional games at events like showers, so if you don’t love the idea of them, don’t use them.